well thought id update because i realized i really miss tumblr! all i do is pinterest now. but i like this better because you can be more personal about it.

so speaking of personal, i’m about to go on a little rant so you can stop reading now if you don’t wanna hear it lol

i’m in school, being there most days is an up hill battle to get myself to wake up and get there. and thats my accomplishment for the day when it comes to school. thats all the motivation i’ve been able to get out of myself. and i am falling behind. i am doing horrible. and i can’t do horrible any longer. i refuse to let myself get on academic probation because that’s ridiculous. that is for losers. so, i went to my bio teacher today to discuss my grade so far since i was completely unaware of how i was doing. he said that i was failing and we discussed it and i was crying (i’m such a cry baby) and he was just talking to me about why and trying to jam in it my head that i have to try harder and all that jazz and i realized two things 1) he was right but i really already knew that and 2) i need more people in my life to motivate me like that. i mean my parents, boyfriend, whoever is all about yeah you need to go to school but that’s the end of it. and the other people i am surrounded by at the shop and stuff are people around my age that never went back after high school or did and dropped out. i don’t want to be like that and being around those people that are always like “school is stupid” or whatever is really annoying. it makes me feel good that at least i am trying and all since they aren’t even doing that but i need to try harder. i need encouragement and i’m not getting it. and really when my boyfriend or someone close to be would try to bring up like “shouldn’t you be working on that” or something, i get defensive about it and they probably know that so they just don’t say anything anymore. which is ultimately my fault, just like the fact that i’m doing poorly. so these are probably just all excuses anyways. and i’m tired of excuses. so anyways, my bio professor said that i need to study my ass off basically for the test on thursday and he will grade it right after class for me so i know how i did and we can discuss my grade further and decide if i need to drop it before the withdrawal date on friday. he said if i get like an A and attend the rest of the classes he will take that into consideration when he gives me my final grade. which is what i love about college, they can give you whatever grade they wanna give you, really. and it’s not all about how it adds up, he can give you a little more or less based on effort and attendance. so, tonight i am going to study. and tomorrow, i’m gonna study and i surely hope it pays off.

another thing i am trying to focus on is my health. i am entirely too unhealthy for my age. i keep saying i’m gonna do this body cleanse and i think i’m gonna start it for sure tomorrow. i keep putting it off and it’s even more critical that i don’t put that off because it’ll just get worse as i get older and my goal is to be down 20 lbs by july when my boyfriend and i go on vacation to visit my grandparents in arkansas and then to georgia to visit one of our friends. which also, i wish i had someone to hold me accountable to that goal because my boyfriend wont because i’ll just take it offensively and he knows that. i wish their was an outside person i was afraid of letting down or a reward of some kind that would motivate me. but i am just full of reasons why not and i need to do it by myself!

ah! besides those two things i have been struggling with, i am truly really happy with life lately. but those are two major things i need to get under control and fast. time is ticking away.

okay, well, time to study. talk later tumblr <3